"I missed you." It all starts pouring out now. "Not just in Spain, either. In China. When I saw you in London, I thought we would catch up, the three of us. We were such good friends, and..."
The rest of that sentence huffs out in a despairing sigh, as if he really can't explain this and isn't sure if he should.
"I know it wasn't your fault. You were doing what you had to do. But I want to be sure you're not beating yourself up about it, so...I forgive you. Can we just...be friends again?"
Hearing that he was missed, Guy seems almost overcome with a mixture of bittersweet relief and guilt. Both of which he tries to shove aside with failing effort.
"I love England. I am a traitor because I love her. Sacrifices were always necessary but... I never wanted our friendship to be one."
He smiles, though his eyes are bleary while they now sting with emotions and saltwater.
"I'm sorry, Julian. Of course. Of course we can be friends."
With that, and without warning, he takes the poet into his arms, embracing him tightly if just to hold him for a moment.
The moment he realizes what's happening, Julian throws his arms around Guy and grips hard, as if he can squeeze all the pain and grief out of the little man like toothpaste. The tension flows out of his arms, water running off leaves, hardly a drop left behind. A similar, if far less touchy-feely, reconciliation is due with Anthony, but he'll get around to that later. He knows it's coming.
The cathartic experience Guy had always wanted, craved, and sought was finally within his reach. While holding Julian this way, hugging him tightly with arms just as strongly wrapped around him was a way to purge so many things that had weighed down on him, it was a step.
Guy would always be haunted by not just this man, but by his unwavering love for him.
Guy turns his head, saying in a low tone what had always been most important, no matter how aching his heart.
Julian nods, trying to banish all the resentment he'd nursed against this man for the last month of his life. No, this is the Guy he remembers. This is comfortable and lovely and sweet, and for that, Julian can't be convinced that it's going to last.
Very well, then. These renewed friendships, this second chance at life. Even if it's all temporary, he'll take it.
It's a moment before Guy can bear to let Julian go, and he does so with a heaviness in his heart from the restlessness of holding secrets still. He doesn't mean to keep Julian at a distance. If anything, he wishes to keep him closely, but confessions of such dastardly romantic feelings is something he doesn't have the courage for. Not yet. Not now. Not in this very moment, here, when things are so uncertain still.
Not while he's still gripping to the leftover fear that he might lose Julian again. That much, he couldn't bear.
"Thank you."
For taking this so bloody well.
For understanding, even if it doesn't entirely make sense.
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The rest of that sentence huffs out in a despairing sigh, as if he really can't explain this and isn't sure if he should.
"I know it wasn't your fault. You were doing what you had to do. But I want to be sure you're not beating yourself up about it, so...I forgive you. Can we just...be friends again?"
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"I love England. I am a traitor because I love her. Sacrifices were always necessary but... I never wanted our friendship to be one."
He smiles, though his eyes are bleary while they now sting with emotions and saltwater.
"I'm sorry, Julian. Of course. Of course we can be friends."
With that, and without warning, he takes the poet into his arms, embracing him tightly if just to hold him for a moment.
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Guy would always be haunted by not just this man, but by his unwavering love for him.
Guy turns his head, saying in a low tone what had always been most important, no matter how aching his heart.
"Friendship. Friendship above all."
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Very well, then. These renewed friendships, this second chance at life. Even if it's all temporary, he'll take it.
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Not while he's still gripping to the leftover fear that he might lose Julian again. That much, he couldn't bear.
"Thank you."
For taking this so bloody well.
For understanding, even if it doesn't entirely make sense.
For a chance.
For still being that bright, beautiful man..